all wrapped up.

This week marks one month in Arvie Abbey.  This morning it was 36 outside and 38 inside(exaggeration). We ran out of propane in the middle of the night and were so cold by this morning we were all huddled in one bed.  Lesson learned, Arvie needs to be "tanked" to keep us warm. (Please insert your own inapproriate joke.)

One month has taught us to get creative with race tracks

 (note we even used the diaper pail)

We had good friends come by last night and they said it was such a "sweet space"; and frankly I agree, I like" the Abbey"  and what she represents for our family.  We said we would have less house work,check.  We said we would have more time to play,check.   We said we would not have a need for so much stuff,check. We said we would have more financial freedom. This was our primary reason for the move and yet, no check.  Literally and metaphorically no check.  No paycheck ( James lost his job the week we closed on the house, but no worries he is working again), No unemployment check (the system is a mess, surprise),  No escrow reimbursement ( just waiting).   Is it just me or do we all find that when striving for something that you really desire the finish line seems to get moved further back.  I don't mean in a defeated way but in a way that almost makes you want it more and strive harder.  That is where we find ourselves with our finances right now. 

Here is where I struggle. As stated  don't feel defeated but I do get mad, I do wish it was easier, I do feel burdened by it.  But mainly I don't know how these things we strive for are supposed to work.  I strive to be a good mom, a good wife,to loose weight occasionally and so forth. What is the balance of power here.  How much do we keep on our plate and how much do we surrender to our God who lightens loads.  Seems the simple answer is that we just surrender it all, that is what I remember singing as we all waited for one more person to walk the isle.  But when surrendering all does that leave us with no responsibility? 

Zoey's burden is having to eat out of a drawer so Lizzy won't eat it first.

I know the theology on this goes far and wide and I am no theologian , and as that as my disclaimer, here are my thoughts.  After asking this question and frankly swinging from one end to the other.  One side being we have to have a plan and execute with the wisdom God give but with hard work and sweat equity to the other side, God is big and is the only one who can change any of these things we should place it in his hand and stop working so hard. From the truth that says "take up your Cross and follow me "to "My yoke is easy and My burden  is light."  I conclude,like a lot of hard God stuff that both are true and only in God can find that place where they both exist in harmony without conflict.

I was walking Lizzy last night down the county road. it was dark, and there were lots of stars, bright and beautiful.  I was walking her because she needs to go out and that is my responsibility, my work, my load. Yet while I was working, and carrying that burden of having a pet I was doing it while wrapped up in the beauty of the night.  So for me ,for now,  I am able to lay down this struggle with striving by understanding this.  I can strive but when I am surrendered, my striving is wrapped in rest.  My burden is covered in a joyful relationship.  My load is wrapped in the beauty of hope.  It stops feeling like I am in a responsibility tug of of war and starts to feel something like peace.

Movie/brother wrestle night + popcorn

Stablizers Needed

The reports were winds up to 60mph.  That is hurricane like wind, and I am living in a trailer.  I could just see me on the  5:00 news holding my crying diapered baby, hair a windblown mess, trailer behind me on it's side' and saying to the anchor woman, "ain't nobody got time for this."  I am sure I would live up to the trailer park cliche in that moment.  I got countless text messages asking if we had blown away.  It was a bit scary , we were rolling so much my keys came of the hook I placed them on.  I called James who is the expert in all things "Arvie" and he assured me that this trailer weighed 8, 000 lbs and we were safe.  He also said he desperately needs to stabilize it.  I have no idea what that means but it sounded like a great idea as the winds whipped around us, and someones 10 gallon cooking pot blew down the road.



When the wind is blowing.... Hide





or climb,



or build.

We did suffer a small causality in the recent winds.  Our Awning. James put it out on one of the less windy days but it ripped it right down.  James took the brunt of my frustration over it's loss. Like a stain on a new outfit.  I was mad.  We have only had it two weeks and already we have had to call the insurance to make a claim.  Thank goodness for insurance and our awning will be back up and rolled in until all this wind is over.  James said their is a thing called an awning stabilizer that would have prevented the issue.  Again, I have no idea but let's do that.

Let's stabilize whatever we can is my vote.  I have never admittedly been one for stable.  You know it goes along with words like responsible and studious and mature. Not nearly as fun as words like adventure and reckless. But when the wind blows and life gets rocky we all want to find what is stable.  For me a foundations of faith, family and friendships always help me not blow away.   So as the wind picks up  around us make sure you have stabilizers and find strength in the fact that even the winds listen to Jesus.

 

"Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

 A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."Ecclesiastes 4:12

Some of my Stabilizers

I married a steady guy!

 

must laugh with her at least once a week. 
It is always on my to do list.

extend family that is full of faith and the normal crazies families bring.

College girlfriends who have seen the ugly side and love me still.

And most helpful in the wind storms:

Mathew 8:26-27

He replied, “You of little faith, why are you so afraid?” Then he got up and rebuked the winds and the waves, and it was completely calm. The men were amazed and asked, “What kind of man is this? Even the winds and the waves obey him!”

and the winner is...

We combined two of  our friends Lacy's names and...

 

The Process always Makes for a Better Product.



Join in our RV adventure
and help us name this place!

The RV adventure has begun.  It was slow getting out of the gate as It took longer than we expected to sell our house but now we are all moved in and still very much settling in. People have asked what do you call your trailer, home or  "The Trailer".   Right now it does not yet feel like home but more than just camping. We need to name this place and would love your input here.    The "name that RV" winner will receive.  Vintage trailer party lights.  fun!  just comment  and include your email address for contact.


One of the first things I did when we got the trailer was hang pictures and begin the process of making this little rig a place that feels warm and worth making memories in.  My friends have even begun pinning ideas for me and I love them for understanding me.  Two challenges in this transition have been making the trailer seem like our home and  organizing.  Both will be a process.  Easy enough to say.  We hear it often  " it's a process"  but when I really think about it, it is not easy to be OK with things in process.  We would all much prefer a finished product. NOW!  But things take time.

James knows that when I say I need  to eat.  It means food consumption needs to begin now, no waiting,  no processing,  food in mouth or else.  I try and keep some quick snacks available for these times when waiting is not optional.  However to enjoy a meal is much different, it is preparing, tasting, seeing, waiting, longing and slowly enjoying.  It is not food but a meal.  And it if trying to cook this said meal with a toddler underfoot it is most definately a process.

The  same is true with relationships, conversations, and our walk with God.  We may need a quick text or a small verse to get us by but that is no long phone call, or coffee, no long walk ,or retreat.  Both are needed in the process but we can not always substitute snacking for a meal here either.

I would love to have everything where I want it right now in this RV.  I have shoved somethings in draws and thought," that wont stay there but I need to get it off the floor now before I stub my toe that I can not feel anyway", if you don't know about me numb feet it is a story for another time.  But my intention is to find the proper place for those items soon;  to linger in the process and make this storage work long term.

We may not see the finished product  in some areas of our lives this side of heaven but seeking to invest in what we desire to be long term will be worth the effort, worth the process.  So snack and text and shove things in draws but always ask yourself if that is worth a longer investment at some point.  for if it is a process it will be a better product.

Things that are  in process at the RV:

• getting used to the RV potty.  North asked soon after we got moved in  "does that little potty accept poop. cause I need to."  



tiny tub is working great for my little guy!



• a 6 cubit refrigerator  where do I put it all.



from this beauty.

to this puny.

• decorating
• figuring out how to keep small hands from putting small items in the heater vents.

four dominoes and a cheerio.

• Debt we plan to pay off is definately still in process.  maybe I will give you a running total of payoff amount soon.
• growing in love for my sweet family as we make this journey

view from the RV park once you walk past all the RV's

Rocky Road and YOLO

It is a vague memory now as I celebrate "my last claimed birthday" on Friday.   I will be 39  (of coarse when 40 comes next year I will have gotten over the shock of it and want to have  a big celebration) ,but back to the point of the vague memory.  When I was single and living in Dallas every Monday myself along with thousands of other Dallas singles attended Metro Bible Study. The worship was great, the preaching was profound and it was a chance to hang onto the college life a bit as all those in attendance were, like you, missing those recent years they spent in academia.  Tommy Nelson of Denton Bible preached a series through Ecclesiastes.  The overriding point was, live well, work hard and obey God, and when all that is done enjoy life.  Have some "Rocky Road Ice Cream."  , which happened to be his favorite.  I am not sure how many weeks He preached this series but every week he would say "have some Rocky Road."  and when the series closed he served everyone a scoop.YUM  !!!   It was his way of saying what is recently been popularized in our culture as YOLO.in case my mom reads this blog that means ( You only live once.) 

•  Find  Tommy Nelsons book on Ecclesiastes here:" A Life Well Lived"

Seems like an easy enough concept to grasp, I like it. Not one of the biblical truths that seem controversial or hard to achieve.  Yet it is hard.

• hard to let the kids play in the mud, or sprinkler even though they need baths anyway.
• hard to spend that money you have earned on something impractical. ( like ice cream, or a date night.)
• hard to let loose and, you know , read a magazine when you can think of something more productive to do, like cleaning out a closet.
• hard to have long overdue sex with  your husband because you can only  think of the 12 things you forgot to get at the grocery store.
• hard to primp a few extra minutes with a new makeup tip you saw on pinterest because it simply seems frivolous.
• hard to spend time in the God's word because the baby is eating dog food again.

Am I the only one that has a hard time with the Rocky Road Rewards that lie in front of me  given by our gracious, loving, life abundant giving God?

you know the times I choose to live the mantra YOLO I find a new/old me emerging. One that loves and gives and frankly works even harder.

Ecclesiastes 3:12-13
"I perceived that there is nothing better for them than to be joyful, and do good as long as they live. that everyone should eat drink and take pleasure in all his toil - this is god's gift to man."

a few times lately that I had Rocky Road:

After a rare rain storm!

Austin Fashion week event with girlfriend!  I even won a door prize.

  Gettin' wet!

A Cupcake after school!

Take Heart

It has been years since I even thought of blogging, not sure how to jump back in.  I was only knee deep to begin with.  My plan for this blog is fitting to its name, living on the edge.  James and I have decided to sell our house and furniture and most belongings and move into a camper to get out of debt and see where we go from there.  I have gone from a firm "no" to re-touching all the baseboards to prepare the house for sale and looking online at countless  5th wheel floor plans that will accommodate my family of four.  I am ready for the adventure that will lead to freedom and I plan/promise to take you on this adventure to the edge with me.

first step getting sign in the yard:

This morning I read Matthew 9 and twice I was stuck by the words" Take Heart".  Jesus says it twice and then he preforms a miracle for the recipients of the words.  It is as if he is saying, hey I know you are not sure if this whole faith thing is going to work out but I assure you it is, "Take Heart"  you are healed.    I was also reminded of when Jesus says this to his confused disciples. "Take Heart, I have overcome the world."  this was just before the greatest miracle of his death and Resurrection.  so just before we see what God is going to do with this scary thing we call faith; which in all of these cases is an amazing miracle, he says "take heart."  And that is where I am in the movement of faith just before I understand what God is going to do.  I hear him gently saying to me today."Take Heart."


My boys are always ready for adventure:

True

Today is my anniversary. It was three years ago today that James and I vowed to love through all of life's circumstances. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago but at times it seems so normal to be married to him it is as if we were always family. We have had some life happen over the past three years and today I want to say to James " Thank you for being so true to your Vows." He was true a few months into our marriage when I threw my purse at him and said yelled because he burned the steaks. He was true as we decided to try and have a baby and true when we wept over a miscarriage. He was true when I almost got arrested for assaulting that snotty nosed cop. He was true when I cried because everyone else was pregnant. He was true when we bought our house and true when our new house flooded with faulty plumbing. He was true when we got our dog and found out she did not cuddle. He was true when we found out I was pregnant and true through 16 hours of labor and sleepless nights. He was true to that vow to love me through all of life's circumstances and today I know with even more confidence that more life will happen and he will be true. I love you James.