True

Today is my anniversary. It was three years ago today that James and I vowed to love through all of life's circumstances. It doesn't seem like it was that long ago but at times it seems so normal to be married to him it is as if we were always family. We have had some life happen over the past three years and today I want to say to James " Thank you for being so true to your Vows." He was true a few months into our marriage when I threw my purse at him and said yelled because he burned the steaks. He was true as we decided to try and have a baby and true when we wept over a miscarriage. He was true when I almost got arrested for assaulting that snotty nosed cop. He was true when I cried because everyone else was pregnant. He was true when we bought our house and true when our new house flooded with faulty plumbing. He was true when we got our dog and found out she did not cuddle. He was true when we found out I was pregnant and true through 16 hours of labor and sleepless nights. He was true to that vow to love me through all of life's circumstances and today I know with even more confidence that more life will happen and he will be true. I love you James.

Grover

North, my son, has a Grover. He is often mistaken for Cookie Monster because they are both blue, But I quickly correct the misguided that it is Grover and it is His favorite. So far in the less than 5 Months that North has been alive we have left Grover 3 times; a less than stellar track record on holding onto such a precious toy. North holds it while he sleeps and laughs at it when we play. Yet we have left it among all the toys in the church nursery for two weeks and at friends and even Grandma's. North seems t0 forget about Grover while he is away, He will play with his soft Bunny or his "silky", He seems content and satisfied even some may say happy, but on Grover's return he lights up as if to say " I missed you, blue fuzzy monster." he hold him close and grabs his big pink nose. Together again.

I think I get it. I know what is most precious to me but I easily forget it, leave it behind and find substitutes. I seem content and satisfied and some may even say happy. But when it returns I remember in full the joy it brings and remember that nothing else can compare. My face again lights up and I pray " I have missed you, Lord." He then holds me close and reminds me He never left. Yet my heart feels a sense of relief as if we too are together again.

Between blogging and being a blogger

So should I call myself a blogger if this is the first time I have written on a blog , or is it in a blog, and we all know that blogging has been around for quite awhile. I hate being one of the thousands that are catching on late and pretending like we know what is up.

I am just another stay at home mom that needs her voice heard over the crying baby. I am vowing not to tell you what color his poop is or even how many times I heard him laugh today and thought that it must be the greatest sound on earth. I want to be heard on topics that really matter outside the nursery walls; politics, sex, theology. I want to be smart and worldly and spell everything right. If you know me at all you know I will never spell everything right. I so bad at it in fact that spellcheck can't even give me suggestions. and I won't always sound smart and worldly either but I will be honest.

And if that is true and honesty is what I am striving for than you should know that I love being a wife and mother but sometimes feel alone and stifled by it. I think it is best to be home and raise my kids but am jealous at times when James leaves for work. I wanted to breastfeed more than anything but am jealous when my sister in law can leave without a pump to go out with her husband. I like the idea of writing a blog but am jealous of those that can call themselves bloggers and mean it. I think I live my life in these places between joy and jealously. I think we all do. But today I will lean towards joy if for no other reason than that I can spell it.